Busy-body Building for Women

Not long ago I received a flier in the mail advertising a conference for women.

"Now, more than ever," the flier said, "you have unlimited potential when it comes to what you can achieve." I hoped they would explain why now, more than ever, so I read on:

"All it takes is the right attitude, the right plan, the right opportunities, and the right tools." Is that it? Why, they make it sound so easy!

There were a number of interesting workshops being offered. One was entitled "Feng Shui: Hidden messages in one's work environment."

I can see it now. Jane, who has just taken this course, walks into Carol's office. She notes that the picture of Carol's husband is at a slight angle to the tape dispenser. This gives Jane powerful insight into Carol's personal matters...

Jane: I'm sorry about your marriage problems, Carol. Carol: Wha--how did you— Jane: It seems to me (here she glances toward the window and notes a tropical plant with several yellowing leaves) that you and your husband need to talk about your financial disagreements and put the matter of the toaster oven behind you. Carol: Hey! Who told— Jane: And for the love of Mike, lose the natural oak CD holder. I'd go with one of those metal ones, if you get my drift. Carol: No, I don't get your— Jane: See you at the meeting this afternoon.
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Carol might be interested in taking another of the workshops being offered: "How to keep difficult people from ruining your day."

This one also looked interesting: "Tips and techniques for navigating delicate interactions like a pro. How to address even the most awkward topics—like body odor, bad breath, poor table manners, and inappropriate dress—in a way that leaves everyone's dignity intact."

At the meeting later that afternoon...

George: Okay, I think that about wraps it up, unless anyone has anything else to add. Jane: Ahem. George: Jane? Did you want to say something? Jane: That was a great report, George; thanks for sharing it. Also, I find that the Island Mist foaming hand wash conveniently placed by the breakroom sink is very effective for cleaning hands as well as providing a fresh pleasant scent. George: (stares at Jane a moment) Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Jane. Jane: One enjoys being around someone who has just used Island Mist foaming hand wash. George: Right. I'm sure it's a nice experience— Jane: And one doesn't always enjoy being around those with a, shall we say, distinctly un-Island Mistlike aroma. George: I think I'll go wash my hands. Jane: It takes a strong vice-president of marketing to say that, George. George: Thanks, Jane. By the way, you're fired.
Tip! All body building beginners must have asked themselves these questions. You are reading this article because you would have probably asked these questions yourself.

At least George's dignity was left intact.

Angie Brennan is a freelance humor writer, cartoonist, and illustrator. She and her family live in Maryland. For more humor, visit Angie's website at: http://angiebrennan.com